Letter from a desperate one
Angélica Fonsêca
Gabriela Santos
Ynêssa de Farias
Every day I wake up at 5 a.m. I am not adapted to this new life. I am thinking about escaping from this house. Although there are many people living this same situation I feel as if it was impossible to keep on. I cannot stand the same voices, the same faces, the same room. The brightness of the mold eyes disturbs me and I cannot breathe the identical chorus. I want to walk on the asphalt feeling the heat of the busy life. I want to claim against the cold coffee. What I really want is a challenge in my life; I want to change the way things are going. Day by day I think about what I can do to change my boring life. I feel good when I am dreaming but I know my dreams are really far from my reality. In spite of this is my only fun. I am still waiting for something, something to fulfill my emptiness. I know I am being weak transferring my happiness to something outside, but I admit I can not change my life for myself. Every night I lie down waiting for something special that can transform my life.
Last night I thought about this situation from another point of view. I was sitting on a chair in the veranda when I noticed how affected with that idea I am. My behavior is totally different from my original one and I face things absolutely differently now. All those thoughts of changing things are not being healthy to me and they are making my disgust concerning my life style get bigger and bigger.
My mind is being so stressed with the idea of being better that even simple things of my daily life are disturbing me. Last night something happened while I was thinking about all that. The telephone rang and it was before dawn. In any moment I imagined it could be bad news; on the contrary. I was so involved in my thoughts that I did not realize the phone was ringing in the middle of the night. I answered it with a calm “hello?” and then I noticed I felt nervous when I picked up the phone. On the other side of the line the voice recognized me and sounded glad to speak with me. I could not say a word but I could understand I was feeling like that because of how neglected my emotions are. The other person noticed my silence and, worried, asked me about what was happening. I tried to say I was fine but I was too afraid to do so. Then, I hang up the phone, got off the chair and felt angry at me and my terrible behavior.
I've been so attracted to changing everything in me that I am not living my life well. I am missing the opportunity of living the “now”, the opportunity of enjoying the pleasing aspects of my days, and I do not know how I can do it. However, I am excited about starting this change of thoughts and life. I will be more sympathetic and patient, but...
I do need help!
Last night I thought about this situation from another point of view. I was sitting on a chair in the veranda when I noticed how affected with that idea I am. My behavior is totally different from my original one and I face things absolutely differently now. All those thoughts of changing things are not being healthy to me and they are making my disgust concerning my life style get bigger and bigger.
My mind is being so stressed with the idea of being better that even simple things of my daily life are disturbing me. Last night something happened while I was thinking about all that. The telephone rang and it was before dawn. In any moment I imagined it could be bad news; on the contrary. I was so involved in my thoughts that I did not realize the phone was ringing in the middle of the night. I answered it with a calm “hello?” and then I noticed I felt nervous when I picked up the phone. On the other side of the line the voice recognized me and sounded glad to speak with me. I could not say a word but I could understand I was feeling like that because of how neglected my emotions are. The other person noticed my silence and, worried, asked me about what was happening. I tried to say I was fine but I was too afraid to do so. Then, I hang up the phone, got off the chair and felt angry at me and my terrible behavior.
I've been so attracted to changing everything in me that I am not living my life well. I am missing the opportunity of living the “now”, the opportunity of enjoying the pleasing aspects of my days, and I do not know how I can do it. However, I am excited about starting this change of thoughts and life. I will be more sympathetic and patient, but...
I do need help!
0 comentários:
Post a Comment
Liked a post? Leave a comment.